


The Fairest of the Mall

by VampocalypseNow



Category: The Office (US)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-14
Updated: 2014-12-14
Packaged: 2018-03-01 09:30:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2768186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VampocalypseNow/pseuds/VampocalypseNow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Creed knew that starting a mall was an idea too good to waste, so he teamed up with the only person who believed in him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Fairest of the Mall

**Author's Note:**

> Creed and Erin are basically my two favourite characters from 'The Office', so I thought it was about time they teamed up. This is just a silly one-shot that doesn't really go anywhere, based on a throw-away joke from 'Counselling'.

“Psst.”

Erin looked up from her desk, but there was no one there. She got back to work.

“Psst!”

This time, she looked to the sky.

“Smiler!”

She turned to the fax machine. “Hey, Creed! Need help?”

“Meet me outside by the dumpsters in ten seconds.”

“Which dumpsters?”

He looked at his watch. “Better run.”

Erin ran, losing her shoes on the stairs, and collapsing against the first dumpster she saw. Creed shot straight past her and nonchalantly leaned against another dumpster a few yards away. Erin looked at him.

“Did you mean that dumpster?”

“Clock’s ticking, sweetcheeks.” Erin ran on. “You’re late.”

“Sorry, I got the wrong dumpster.”

“So, they’re trying to give Specs a makeover.”

“Yeah, isn’t it—”

“But it ain’t gonna work, is it?”

“Isn’t it?”

“I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to do Pretty Woman in real life, but it didn’t work for me, and it won’t work for him.”

“When did that—”

“Because that mall has discriminated against our kind for the last time, and we need to strike back!”

“Our kind?”

“Do you think you can assemble a team of fifty workmen by six o’clock?”

“No.”

“Do you think you can assemble a team of ten workmen by six o’clock?”

“Maybe?”

“Do you think you can find a workman by six o’clock?”

“Yes!”

“Meet me here at six, with as many workmen as you can handle.” He strolled off, but Erin was soon at his side again. “Where are you going?”

“Back to the office.”

“Oh, do you work here?”

***

Erin knocked on Darryl’s door. “Hey, Darryl. Just thought you should know that you have no messages right now, so good job for being so on top of things!”

He didn’t look up. “That’s nice.” When Erin didn’t leave, he said, “Do you need anything else?”

She cast a conspiratorial glance out of the door, and closed it. “So, Darryl, you’re a pretty big guy…”

“Erin, you’re a lovely girl, but I’m really not interested.”

“No, I mean, you’re pretty strong, and you have a pickup, so…”

“I’m not helping you move.”

“It’s not that either. You mean you wouldn’t help me move?”

“I have to help a lot of people move, and I can’t be dealing with that right now.”

“But… we’re friends, aren't we?”

“Why’re you here, Erin?”

“Creed and I are working on a secret project, and you could be useful.”

“And the project is being kept secret from me too?”

“No, I’m just not entirely sure what it is. I think we’re building a new mall.”

“You’re really starting your own mall?”

“It worked for Steamtown.”

“And you think I’ll be good at building?”

“Well, you might be. You’re a big guy, and you ran the warehouse, so you know other big guys.”

“Is that the real reason, Erin?”

***

Darryl later admitted to the camera, “I don’t feel good about playing the race card, especially on someone that naïve, but I really have a lot of work to do.”

***

Erin sheepishly crept out of the office, and skipped across to the conference room. “Dwight, Jim, you guys are—”

Dwight pointed at her and shouted, “Erin! Get out of here, this doesn't concern you!”

“No, I know this is important but—”

“Unless this is specifically about my transformation into a gentleman, please, leave immediately.”

Erin opened and closed her mouth a few times before closing the door.

Andy stared at Dwight in shock. “That was… way too harsh.”

“I'm sorry Andy, but if I am to truly become a gentleman, I must dedicate myself to it singularly.”

Jim nodded. “And things like politeness, chivalry, they’re just pointless garnishes?”

“Do you know how you get ahead in Westeros, Jim? You play the game. You look the part. You don’t bow to the whim of every naïve, young princess you come across.”

“Well, I have to point out a number of rather glaring differences…”

“Jon Snow doesn't take time out from running the Watch to help out princesses.”

Andy thought about this. “He kinda does, though…”

Dwight frowned. “Well, is Jon Snow the type of ruler you want?”

“He’s exactly the type of ruler I want. He’s exactly the right mix of idealism and pragmatism.”

“Yeah, and where did that get him, Andy? I’ll tell you, it got him—”

“Guys!” said Jim. “Some of us want to keep our problems grounded in reality. And avoid spoilers, if possible.”

Dwight gave a dismissive laugh, and looked to the camera. “Show watcher.”

***

"Kevin!”

“Oh, hey, Erin.”

“Have you ever done any construction work?”

“Do Legos count?”

She thought about this. “Maybe. Can I put you on the shortlist?”

“Sure!” He smiled. “Wait, shortlist for what?”

“Me and Creed are building a mall.”

“Oh, I don’t think I wanna get wrapped up in that. Count me out.”

“But why not?”

“Kelly uses the mall. If I get involved in another mall, I'm essentially competing against Kelly, and I’d rather not do that.”

Erin frowned and surveyed the office.

“Erin,” said Angela. “I'm expecting a fax later, so I’d appreciate it—”

“Yeah, yeah, shh.” She ran across to the break room that Stanley was leaving. “Hey, Stanley! Can I walk you to your desk?”

Stanley gave her a contemptuous look and sat down.

Erin leaned against his desk. “Now, Creed and I are working on a private project, and I was wondering—”

“If what you’re saying isn't directly linked to my work, I would ask you to leave immediately.”

She immediately left.

***

“Michael.” She saw him slumped on his desk. “Ooh, sorry, is this a bad time?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll… come back.”

***

Erin held her head in her hands as she spoke to the camera about her struggles that day.

“How can there not be a single person in here who wants to help Creed build a mall? I mean, malls must make a lot of money, I guess, and you’d think someone would want in on that. Plus, they all hate the Steamtown Mall right now, probably. But there’s a bunch of really big guys right here, but they’re all… I guess I could ask Gabe…”

***

“Gabe, can you help me and Creed build—”

“Whoa, slow down there, little lady.” He gave an awkward laugh. “Um, I try to avoid Creed at all costs. And building things, for that matter. Honestly, being with Creed on a building site seems like my worst nightmare. But, you have fun!”

***

“I'm going to have to be my one workman. Maybe he’ll kill me. And I’ll have to wait an extra hour before he kills me.”

***

Erin arrived at the meeting place half an hour early, and paced around in front of the dumpster. Creed arrived fifteen minutes late, eating an ice cream sandwich.

“Hey there, little girl. Lose your mommy?”

“Creed, it’s me, Erin.” Creed stared blankly. “Smiler?” Creed’s expression didn't change. “The receptionist?”

Creed stared at her chest. “I thought you were older. Hey, I got you a snack.” He handed her his half-eaten ice cream sandwich, and pulled a fresh one out of his pocket.

Erin stared at her snack despondently. “I couldn't find a workman.”

“Oh, don’t worry. Turns out the land I thought I owned wasn't actually mine. I did try to buy it from the owner, but he kept going on about his blood pressure. I think he was mentally unstable.” He tucked into his ice cream sandwich and gestured to Erin’s. “You gonna finish that?"


End file.
